I haven’t missed an England tour to the Caribbean since 1990. I won’t be able to make it this time, which irks me, but I’ve had two children since the last tour. And the global financial system has virtually collapsed which makes paying my mortgage more of a priority than jaunts to balmy islands.

So I won’t be in a position to tell you what ails the England team at the moment. I’d like to be able to report back from their training sessions and tell you exactly what Kevin Pietersen and Andrew Flintoff’s body language tells you about their rival factions within the team. Sorry.

I was there when Curtly Ambrose bowled England out for 46. In the next match Alec Stewart scored a century in both innings and England won by 208 runs. I hope that’s some comfort.


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